Perspective Post: Loving someone who struggles with addiction<3
I have loved and currently love many people who struggle with addiction to a substance. This is one perspective I have encountered as well as perceived first hand that I thought would be enlightening to share:
Loving someone with an addiction
Someone asked me today, why do I put my medications in containers other than the original container in which they were dispensed?
I don't want them to be stolen from me.
My medications have been stolen from me and tampered with on numerous occasions. You may think I am at fault for putting myself into situations like this, consider yourself very blessed to have never experienced it yourself. Most if not all of these situations have been virtually unavoidable. Any rational person with reasonable judgment would have been in a much worse situation under similar circumstances. I am grateful for each day.
Have you ever been beaten physically and exhausted entirely because someone you knew had a problem with substance abuse and stole your medications every time you refill them?
It's exhausting to have to count them any time you set them down for a moment just to make sure. This pattern causes symptoms similar to OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) even after a threat of theft is gone, the behaviors may continue out of habit (a learned pattern). It takes a continued conscious effort, time, and patience to completely reprogram, but it absolutely can be done.
Update on my mental health:
I am reprogramming myself.
I have had a diagnosis of ADHD on and off through my many psychology explorations with various doctors. I would say this is an accurate diagnosis. With a low dose of Adderall 15mg qd I am able to adequately function. I am able to calm down and complete tasks without my mind wandering, and I am able to clearly and articulate myself in both professional as well as personal capacities.
As far as my PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression are concerned I am doing PHENOMENALLY better! I only feel hopeless when I am absolutely terrified of where I will sleep or how I will get food or run errands (laundry, store, etc) with my leg still healing and my car being completely broken down.
I still get sad to the point of tears and needing some alone time about twice a week over not having my children with me, as much as it hurts I know I still need time to heal and get settled into a career and stability, but knowing that doesn't stop it from being extremely painful.
I am 100% confident that the 'bipolar' diagnosis is situational, I think the moodiness I feel and have felt have been caused by a combination of the extremely stressful circumstances of being homeless, and unemployed. I also think that I experience a hormonal change reflective in my monthly cycle of menstruation that causes more extreme emotions for several days at the same time of my cycle each month. I'm not really sure of how to control that but I do not think it has any connection to a psych diagnosis. It is more of a dramatic chemical hormonal shift. It is predictable and occurs for 1-3 days prior to menstruation.
Despite spending the past 17 months homeless, in Airbnb's, hotels, and my car, I have maintained a positive and optimistic outlook the majority of the time. I am confident in my ability to thrive. I am ready to fly.