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I’m all fucked up but in a good way💚

CPTSD

“Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (complex PTSD, sometimes abbreviated toc-PTSDorCPTSD) is a condition where you experience some symptoms of PTSD along with some additional symptoms, such as: difficulty controlling your emotions. feeling very hostile or distrustful towards the world.“

I googled that shit and I don’t know how to site my sources.

If you google it this is the first definition that pops up. Thank you to whoever articulated this definition so eloquently. I appreciate you.


CPTSD is a party hosted in hell that plays out in my mind and a memory in my soul of all the demons my past can find.

It is a horror film that I never purchase a ticket for. It is a nasty little asshole who wants to see me fail.


I have vivid memories and flash backs of my most tortured moments almost like a hallucination.

When it’s time to move again the demons stir up restlessness in my soul.

Im doing much better coping now and I would like to share how:


yoga

mediation

education

YouTube therapists

self affirmation

sleep

rest

patience

understanding

support

mental health awareness content

sharing the demons with the world causes guilt and shame. the world can be ugly I don’t want to be the same.

I don’t want to be a burden

Im afraid to take up space

I told my story to a hard old man

he said he wanted to kill him self it was so depressing

fuck

oh man what did I do

I never know if it’s safe to be true

I dont want to hurt anyone

I love to be happy

I love to make you smile

I love being helpful but after a while

I wonder if I’m too much

not that I’m godly I would never dare to think that

but I am tremendous


HSP

highly sensitive personality


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Thank you Natalia and family

This man had the audacity to break my frozen foods and pour hair water into my potatoes. The vibe is not conducive to success or prosperity. My soul rejects the energy. Time to go. I‘m so grateful. I

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