I am ok SET YOUR INTENTIONS!
I used to tell him stories to pass the time. I tried everything I could to let him know we were in this together. Prison is mundane and abusive in so many ways. Besides the trauma I started the relationship with, there were NUMEROUS other traumas that I experienced during OUR sentence.
I don't want pain for him, I don't want suffering for him or for anyone. Maybe we don't want the same life. Maybe he wants things that I cannot provide. True love- True and Unconditional love offers the freedom to be who you are.
Psychosis, PTSD, Surviving horrific abuses, and BURNOUT make it difficult for me to identify what was real. The way I feel is the only thing I have to go off. The way I feel is the way I have always felt. Everyone deserves love.
Everyone deserves and chance to heal, grow, and evolve.
I have apologized too many times to count for things that deserved apology and for many that don't. I think I have been stuck in ego expecting some sort of apology in return so that I could release the resentment and anger and sadness. I don't need it anymore.
I forgive. I evolve. I heal.
I lead by example.
I am not going to apologize anymore for the past. I have felt such remorse it has crippled me from everyday life and growth. I have apologized over and over and I have grown tremendously. I went to God and repented. I asked for understanding. I asked for willingness. I asked for forgiveness.
I learned that what I wanted for myself I must become so I am Love. I am understanding. I am willingness. I am forgiveness.
I am more than ok not knowing what was real and what was delusion. I am ok forgiving without an apology.
I am ok.
I went on a trip to see the world to connect with nature, to find myself, and to breathe. I took $900 with me on the trip, worked door dash a couple times, and came home with $300 left to my name and no where to stay upon my return. I began to panic a little when I realized I had no where to quarantine for 14 days as required by the city of Chicago and the state of IL.
TC my friend, my family, who is going through his own struggles personally opened his home to me and offered his bedroom for me to stay in. Thank you so much TC I love you like a brother!
I offered TC my car while I quarantine because I know how it feels to be stuck. I know how it feels to lose it all and struggle to find a way back. Isn't that what friends and family are for? To offer each other a way... to support and love each other back to greatness?
I am so grateful.
Today I set my intentions for the rest of my life.
I AM Healing and will forever be a work in progress. I am dedicated to being the best and most complete woman, mother, and friend that I can be.
I AM focused on and nurturing my own strengths and I do the same for everyone I encounter.
I AM selling with integrity.
I AM growing my businesses and promoting the things that have worked for me along the way.
I AM giving without the expectation of receiving.
I AM acknowledging my imperfections and forgiving myself for them.
I AM doing my best to be amazing vibes and contribute as much positivity to the world as possible.
I will wake up and list gratitude.
I AM grateful.
I AM actively Advocating for equality and equal opportunity.
I AM actively working on my overall wellness mind body and soul.
I AM an advocate for the planet. I will speak up for the earth and its healing.